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Funny Christmas One Liners For Friends

Funny Christmas One-Liners For Friends: Hy guys today I am going to share some Funny Christmas One-Liners For Friends. I hope friends this Funny Christmas One-Liners For Friends will help you to send and share it with your friends, family, and many others.

Funny Christmas One-Liners For Friends

Funny Christmas One-Liners For Friends

So keep reading Funny Christmas One-Liners For Friends all these are unique. It is a very great part of Christmas day. Please read these Funny Christmas One-Liners For Friends and send it to your friends and enjoy all of these.

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Funny Christmas One-Liners For Friends

Best Christmas Joke Ever

Christmas One-Liners For Boy Friend

Christmas One-Liners For Girl Freind

Christmas One-liners For friends

Funny Christmas One-Liners For Friends

  • I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me “Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace” So I bought her nothing.
  • Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
  • How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus weighed 4.2 kg? Cause they had a weigh in the manor.
  • One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, “Please send me a sister.” Santa Clause wrote him back, “Ok, send me your mother.”
  • What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum – you can’t beat it!
  • Shouldn’t you be on top of the tree, Angel?
  • There’s nothing like the joy on a kid’s face when he first sees the PlayStation box containing the socks I got him for Christmas.
Funny Christmas One-Liners For Friends

Funny Christmas One-Liners For Friends

  • What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic
  • How do you know when Santa’s in the room? You can sense his presence.
  • Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
  • Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
  • STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward.
  • Why doesn’t Santa have any kids? He only comes once a year.
  • The 3 stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus.
Funny Christmas One-Liners For Friends

Funny Christmas One-Liners For Friends

  • What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
    Subordinate clauses.
  • How do Spanish sheep say ‘Happy Christmas’?
    Fleece Navidad.
  • The Three Wise Men sound very generous but you’ve got to remember those gifts were joint Christmas and birthday presents.
  • How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey?
    On the dark side.
  • Mary and Joseph – now they had a stable relationship.
  • I bought my son a fridge for Christmas.
  • I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

    Funny Christmas One-Liners For Friends

    Funny Christmas One-Liners For Friends

  • I’ve got my girlfriend a wooden leg for Christmas. It’s not her main present – it’s just a stocking filler.
  • Mary: Why don’t you put the rubbish out?
    Joseph: It’s Christmas – there’s no room in the bin.
  • What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?
    It’s Christmas, Eve!
  • What did Cinderella say when her photos didn’t arrive on time?
    One day my prints will come.
  • We were so poor when I was a child that at Christmas we exchanged glances.
  • What do you call a naughty child who doesn’t believe in Santa?
    A rebel without a Claus.

Best Christmas Joke Ever

These are best Christmas jokes ever. Keep reading and keep sharing, smiling and enjoy these christmas jokes as well.

  • Why is Santa’s sack so full?
    He only comes once a year.
  • What’s a skunk’s favorite Christmas song?
    Jingle Smells.
  • Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. But the very next day, your body rejected the transplant and you died.
  • Which of all Santa’s elves is the rudest?
    Gofuckyourself
  • What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
    Tinselitis.
  • What’s a lion’s favorite carol?
    Jingle Bells.
  • What do you call a mobster who won’t share any of his Xmas presents?
    Shellfish.’

    Best Christmas Joke Ever

    Best Christmas Joke Ever

  • What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?
    Santa Clues.
  • What’s the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
    Snowballs.
  • We couldn’t afford a turkey for Christmas so we gave the budgie chest expanders.
  • We’ve invited the mother-in-law round for Christmas for the last eight years.
    This year, we might even let her in.
  • Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
    He had low self-esteem.
  • What’s a sophisticated drinker’s favorite Christmas carol?
  • Gin-glue Bells (courtesy of York Gin)
  • That kid is in the manger again playing his drum WHERE ARE THE PARENTS???
    – Dave Barry ‏@rayadverb
  • If you’ve ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you’ve seen me wrapping Christmas presents.
    – Just Bill ‏@WilliamAder

    Best Christmas Joke Ever

    Best Christmas Joke Ever

  • Be careful when you’re 12 because if you mention one thing you like, your aunt will give you a book about that every Christmas for life.
    – Guy Endore-Kaiser ‏@GuyEndoreKaiser
  • We landed a ship on a comet and the batteries don’t last. Is this any different from your first Christmas?
    – Albert Brooks ‏@AlbertBrooks
  • I’m releasing a holiday song called, “All I Want for Christmas is my Parents’ Freaking Wifi Password.”
    – Damien Fahey ‏@DamienFahey “
  • His heart wasn’t the only thing that was 2 sizes too small.” -Mrs. Grinch
    – Qwerty Jones ‏@QwertyJones3

Christmas One-Liners For Friends

  • I sighed as I felt the hot breath on my neck and that hungry tongue licking my face.
  • I should never have asked for a puppy for Christmas.
    – Fifty Sheds of Grey ‏@50ShedsofGrey
  • If you’ve seen one Santa, you’ve seen a mall.
    – Terry F ‏@daemonic3 
  • FYI: By the end of the Twelve Days of Christmas song, your home is crammed with 23 flying Birds and 50 hyperactive Humans.
    – Neil deGrasse Tyson ‏@neiltyson
  • In my experience, clever food is not appreciated at Christmas. It makes the little ones cry and the old ones nervous.
    – Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

    Christmas One-Liners For Friends

    Christmas One-Liners For Friends

  • “Honey, don’t try to feed ice cream to the Christmas tree,” is a thing I literally just said.
    – Amanda Whitfield ‏@mommywhitfield
  • Mom: What do you want for Christmas?
    Me: To find out I was adopted.
    – Justy Dodge ‏@justydodg
  • A cute thing I tell my kids is that if you fart on Santa’s lap, he’s required by North Pole law to bring you two of everything you ask for.
    – Abe Yospe ‏@Cheeseboy22 
  • I lay helpless on the shed floor, my hands tied and my mouth covered with tape. I never could get the hang of wrapping Christmas presents.
    – Fifty Sheds of Grey ‏@50ShedsofGrey
  • A perfectly managed Christmas correct in every detail is a sure sign of someone who hasn’t enough to do.
    – Katherine Whitehorn
  • December 25 is National Jews Go To The Movies Day.
    – Jon Stewart
  • As I lay beneath a sea of writhing bodies, urgent limbs exploring and grasping hungrily, I realized something. I hate Christmas shopping.
    – Fifty Sheds of Grey ‏@50ShedsofGrey
  • Are we doing “Secret Santa” this year? Because I accidentally bought some unsalted butter.
    – Just Bill ‏@WilliamAder

    Christmas One-Liners For Friends

    Christmas One-Liners For Friends

  • My ability to turn holiday joy into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into weight gain.
    – Smug Lemur ‏@Smug_Lemur
  • How can you not love eggnog? You’re basically getting wasted on ice cream.
    – Bill Maher
  • I have good memories wrapped up in the word “Christmas.” To me, it’s about family and memories, and the looks on the carolers’ faces when I set the dogs on them.
    – Bill Maher

Christmas One-Liners For Boy Friend

  • I’ve bought my wife a fridge for Christmas: I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
  • If you cross mistletoe with a duck, do you get a Christmas cracker?
  • You can tell Santa is a man, because no woman would ever wear the same outfit every year.
  • Are people who are scared of Father Christmas Claustrophobic?
  • We were so poor when I was little that we couldn’t afford a turkey for Christmas, so we gave the budgie a chest expander.
  • When you stop believing in Santa is when you start getting clothes for Christmas.
  • Mary and Joseph had a stable relationship, didn’t they?
  • Christmas is just like a day at the office: you do all the hard work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
  • The three stages of man: 1. He believes in Santa. 2. He doesn’t believe in Santa. 3. He is Santa.
  • I wasn’t planning on giving out any Christmas presents this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung phones.
    Christmas One-Liners For Boy Friend

    Christmas One-Liners For Boy Friend

     

  • When Santa’s in your room, can you sense his presence?
  • Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper who sold his soul to Santa?
  • When I was a child, my family was so poor that at Christmas we exchanged glances.
  • If Santa’s little helpers ate outside would they be dining elfresco?
  • The main thing I want this Christmas is for someone to wake me up when it’s all over.
  • Are Santa’s elves just a bunch of subordinate Clauses?
  • The best Christmas present I ever got was a broken drum – you just can’t beat it.
  • You can tell Microsoft has a monopoly because even Santa had to switch from chimneys to Windows.
  • Would a singing elf be called a wrapper?
    Christmas One-Liners For Boy Friend

    Christmas One-Liners For Boy Friend

     

  • There’s still 364 days to Christmas and people already have their lights up – unbelievable!
  • If you ate Christmas decorations would you get tinselitis?
  • Did you know the Christmas alphabet only has 25 letters – there’s Noel?
  • If Santa ran out of money, would he be Saint Nickel-less?

Christmas One-Liners For Girl Freind

  • When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas.
  • What do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas? Fleece Navidad!
  • What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper? Ribbon hood.
  • What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh? Santa Claus caught in a revolving door.
  • What do you call Santa’s helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
  • What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite
  • What do monkeys sing at Christmas? Jungle Bells, Jungle bells. !
  • Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters? They both drop their needles!
  • What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas? Thanks, I’ll never part with it!
  • Why is a burning candle like being thirsty? Because a little water ends both of them!
  • What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? A pineapple!
  • What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!

    Christmas One-Liners For Girl Freind

    Christmas One-Liners For Girl Freind

  • What did the big candle say to the little candle? I’m going out tonight!
  • If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Mistletoe!
  • What’s the best thing to give your parents for Christmas? A list of everything you want!
  • A Christmas thought: STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward.
  • What kind of pine has the sharpest needles? A porcupine!
  • Where did the mistletoe go to become rich and famous? Holly-wood.
  • What’s red and white and red, red and white, and red and white? Santa Claus rolling down a hill!
  • What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve
  • What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas? Grave-y!
  • What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve? Blackmail!
  • Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas? No, you can have turkey like everyone else.
  • What did the Eskimos sing when they got their Christmas dinner? “Whale meat again, don’t know where don’t know when “!

    Christmas One-Liners For Girl Freind

    Christmas One-Liners For Girl Freind

  • Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey – he’s always stuffed!
  • What did the guest sing at Eskimo’s Christmas party? Freeze a jolly good fellow…
  • Whose Christmas parties are full of screams? Dracula’s.

Christmas One-liners For friends

  • What was wrong with the boy’s brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?   Forty feet of track – all straight!
  • Father to three-year old: “No a reindeer is not a horse with TV antenna”.
  • Christmas is in my heart twelve months a year and thanks to credit cards, it’s on my Visa card statement twelve months a year also.
  • What happened when Santa’s cat swallowed a ball of yarn? She had mittens.
  • Why is Santa a good race car driver? Because he’s always in the pole position.
  • How does Santa Claus take photos? With his North Pole-aroid.
  • Why didn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas Party? He had nobody to go with!
  • Why did the little boy push his bed into the fireplace? He wanted to sleep like a log.
    Christmas One-liners For friends

    Christmas One-liners For friends

     

  • Why was Santa’s little helper depressed? Because he had low self-esteem.
  • Knock Knock Who’s there? Don’t Don’t? Don’t open till Christmas!.
  • What did one Christmas light say to the other Christmas light? You light me up!.
  • A man went to a butcher’s and saw that the turkeys were 90p a pound. He said to the butcher, ‘Do you raise them yourself?’ ‘Of course, I do,’ the butcher replied. ‘They were only 50p a pound this morning!’.
  • My 8 year old mailed a letter to Santa regarding the gifts he wants so Santa is now writing back with the details on how to vacuum a house.
    – Brian Hope ‏@Brianhopecomedy
  • The best present I ever got was a beautiful skate key from my cousin. If I’d had roller skates it would’ve been perfect.
    – Mel Brooks ‏@MelBrooks
  • Just a few days left to decide if you’re buying an expensive gift for that special someone or breaking up with them for Christmas.
    – Just Bill ‏@WilliamAder 

    Christmas One-liners For friends

    Christmas One-liners For friends

  • How can you tell when Santa’s close by?
    You can sense his presence.
  • What’s the best Xmas present?
    A broken drum – you just can’t beat it.
  • I’ve bought my kids a pack of batteries for Christmas with a note saying: ‘Toys not included’.
  • The one thing a woman doesn’t want to find in her stockings on Xmas morning is her husband.
  • The worst thing about the office Christmas party is looking for a new job the next day.
  • Why did Santa’s little helpers choose the outside table at the restaurant? They wanted to eat elfresco.

    Christmas One-liners For friends

    Christmas One-liners For friends

So this is my collection for Funny Christmas One-Liners For Friends. I hope friends you enjoyed it thanks for reading.

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